Diplomatic Corp Courier News
Today’s Headlines:
Page 1 – Disorder in South America - Collapse of the Incan Empire
Page 2 – Why are they fighting – should we blame Jack Nicholson?
In Issues to Come:
Enemy Forces Close in On Iran
The African Alliance
Quebec No More?
***Top Story – Disorder in South America – Collapse of the Incan Empire?***
Two days ago, Columbian and Argentinian forces marched into the outskirts of the Incan Empire. Argentinian forces led by General Von Trout, forced their way into the central province of Gran Chaco and have taken the capital of Chile, Santiago. “Gran Chaco will be used as a new base of offensive operation in the region,†stated Corporal Van Salmon, leader of the 3rd armored division, “Life for the Incans will be changing for the better as we introduce them to a better form of government.â€
Meanwhile, in the northern portion of the country, Columbian forces pushed their way into the Gulf of Panama and Ecuador, the latter an attack that could easily have been repelled with even a little organization from the Incans. “We were fortunate that our attack worked,†Admiral Penguin yipped, “but what do you expect from backwards nation such as the Lincolns?†Whether the admiral is able to pronounce the enemy’s name correctly or not is of no matter the end may be in sight for one of our planet’s longest lasting cultures.
This devastating, simultaneous attack will result in the loss of at least two centers this year, with the likelihood that more will be lost in years to come.
“I’m amazed they lasted this long,†quipped Alistair Snobleman, “With their antiquated technology and outdated theory on life, it’s really a credit to their leadership that their civilization even survived until the twentieth century.â€
All request for comment from the Incan leadership were unreturned, hopefully not a sign of things to come. President Vandar, if you wish to comment please call upon us at worlddiplomacydc195(at)yahoo.com.
***Why are they fighting – could it be related to Jack Nicholson?***
Troop movements in the northeastern part of Asia have been increasingly hostile over the last few years. The Sichuan Empire started things off with an unprovoked and overwhelming show of force conquering Northern Inner Mongolia and pushing their way into the capital of Beijing. Manchurian officials were flaborgasted by this unexpected attack, “Why? We don’t understand, we were getting along so well and now this!†stated President Pen Pen, “We have done nothing we are simply victims of their intense greed. To tell you the truth, I hate it here, I’d rather live anywhere else, if the Sichuans like it so much, we would have gladly traded.â€
We were fortunate to locate and speak to the leader of the Sichuan Alliance, Grand Despot Dog Dug, as he was surveying plans to visit Lake Baikal; below is the transcript:
“Grand Despot Dog Dug, thank you for taking the time to speak to us today, may we ask why you have decided to attack your peaceful neighbor?â€
“We have a large lemming population, without access to the sea they have been eating all of our lychees! We needed to find a way to the ocean to rid ourselves of this horrific burden on our people.â€
“I see, now that you have control over Beijing, I assume you are satisfied and will stop moving northward?â€
“That was the original plan, but we have reason to think the Manchurian leadership is dishonorable and since we have come this far we mind as well rid the earth of this lower form humanityâ€
“Care to expand on those reasonsâ€
“Gladly, just last week we all got together for a lovely game of Pictionary (all being the Songs, the Japanese and the Manchurians) We do this every couple of years to maintain friendships and add a bit of competitiveness to our relationship. Well, in the third round, President Pen Pen drew three lines, ONLY three lines, and all of a sudden his wife yells out the correct answer “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest!†There was no way she could have gotten that right unless they were cheating.â€
“So cheating at Pictionary is your reason for continuing this war?â€
“Yes, and we think the Japanese were in on it because I think they looked at the card and were sending signals to First Lady Pen Pen, so we can’t trust them either. We had a long conversation with Junta Landry (leader of the Song Empire) and he agreed with me, they cheated and cannot be trusted.â€
“So the war continues?â€
“Yes, until they admit they cheated! I really need to get back to work, Lake Baikal is an alternate solution to our lemming problem…we had no idea it was so deep!â€
“Thank you for your time, so there you have it folks, Pictionary, a dangerous gameâ€
We would welcome response from President Pen Pen, please do so by responding to worlddiplomacydc195(at)yahoo.com.
Note fromt he Editor - this looked a lot better in Word
