[u:167c00b7d3]Diplomatic Corp Courier News<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" />[/u:167c00b7d3]
Issue 1a

Today’s Headlines: Responses to Pictionary Gate
Page 1 – <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" />Japan Responds
Page 2 – An Independent Report

In Issues to Come:
Enemy Forces Close in on Iran
The African Alliance
Quebec No More?

Message from the Editor:

Under normal circumstances, one issue of the Courier News will be published each week, however, we received a number of responses to the North Asian Pictionary Scandal. In order to keep our readers fully informed as quickly as possible, we have decided to publish a supplemental issue of the Courier News. The first article is a direct response from Japanese leadership, the second, an independently written article by a well-known investigative reporter, Thomas Kensington. We have not verified the accuracy of the second article, however given its source, the "Shovelling Steam," a monthly conspiracy magazine, we are comfortable with its authenticity. We have not modified the responses in any way, they are provided as they were received, so you can judge for yourselves.

Also, we are always looking for new stories, so please feel free to submit your stories or suggestions for stories to worlddiplomacydc195(at)yahoo.com ([email]worlddiplomacydc195(at)yahoo.com[/email]).

Sincerely,
Editor and Chief


Japan Responds to Pictionary Scandal!

This is an official response from the Undersecretary of Foreign Affairs and the Cultural Attachee of Japan. This message has been blessed by the Japanese Emperor.

The latest World Diplomacy Courier News carried a report on the relations between the nations of Song, Sichuan, and Manchuria and the Heavenly Land of the Rising Sun. Its correspondent reported on plausible causes for the recent deterioration of the relationships between these nations. Sichuan was being quoted having said that events during a game of Pictionary have
led to their attack of Manchuria territory. Japan has serious doubts about their true motives. After all, this was definitely not one of the first games of Pictionary Sichuan had lost. Nor was this the first time that Japanese players had been staring at the First Lady Pen Pen of Manchuria. She is after all widely known for good looks and charm. That this may be beyond the Sichuan representatives doesn't surprise us at all: they are widely known for the lack of taste and
appreciation of life's beauty. Who can expect them to understand the finesse of the Manchurian art of drawing where a few lines can express 1000 words! It's then no wonder that even the lemmings are all running AWAY from them.

Indeed, their barbarian nature is quickly draining the lands they occupy, leaving behind nothing more than smoldering ashes and barren wastelands. THAT is the true motive to expand their territory.

Japan asks the civilized nations of the world to join us in our protest against this brutal rape of the Manchurian society and to help protect this noble nation.

Signed

Undersecretary of Foreign Affairs
Ki Smai S
Cultural Attachee of Japan
Du Itto Mee


The Pictionary Scandal – Independent Research
The Olympic Occupation
by Thomas Kensington
Investigative Reporter

What originally seemed like merely an opportunistic bid to control the world's biggest stage is beginning to get a lot more complicated. It has been well established that the attack on Beijing by the armies of the Sichuan Empire sent Manchuria reeling into confusion and disarray. Many have guessed that the attack was successful only because the Manchurian military was being used to provide unsurpassed security for the Olympic Games. The invasion has been described as vicious and underhanded, prompting calls from many corners of the globe for the retreat of Sichuan forces to accommodate the resumption of play.

That is the story everyone already knew.

But as with any action as drastic as the one taken against Manchuria, pundits around the world are struggling to answer the question: "Why would Grand Despot Dog Dug dig himself into the dugouts of the softball diamonds?" Many theories have been presented, but none seem satisfactory. Was it a simple power grab - the wish for more land? No. Was it merely the act of a crazed dictator against his democratically elected neighbor who is beloved by all his subjects? Doubtful. Was it, as the despot himself claimed, the need to own oceanfront property in order to drive away a lemming problem? Yeah right... unless by "lemming" he meant a soldier that will blindly follow his Emperor's orders over the proverbial moral cliff.

Instead, after an extensive amount of research and speaking to leaders of other countries around the world I have come up with the following: Olympic-sized envy.

As an empire with a much smaller population, Sichuan has very little chance of hosting an Olympic Games in the next five generations. The simple fact that Beijing was chosen to host the current version of the Games drove Dog Dug down into despair. Out of his wish to be in the spotlight, he devised a plan that would turn the eyes of the world on him, convinced that once he had control of Beijing, the Olympics would be better than they ever could be under the Manchurians. And so, he moved stealthily into Beijing and took control of the Games.

So here we sit, waiting for hostilities to cease in the northeastern part of Asia, the world's best athletes being held captive by the world's greenest despot. So, will he stop the fighting at the shores of the Yellow Sea? Recent developments suggest otherwise.

A recent interview cites Despot Dog Dug as saying that due to the dishonor displayed by Manchurian President Pen Pen (the nickname given him by his adoring subjects) during a game of Pictionary, the invasion of the yellow lands will continue. The issue, according to Diplomatic Corp Courier News, revolves around an incident involving Mr. Pen Pen's drawing and the subsequent correct answer of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, which was allegedly done after three lines and possible suggestion from the Japanese interim leader Naoki, the mayor of Osaka.

I managed to catch up to President Pen Pen as he was entering a strategy meeting with his top military officials. When asked him about that game, he replied, "Yes, I'm sorry I cheated, of course. It didn't dawn on me at the time that it was a number."

His response intrigued me. He admitted to cheating but only mentioned the well-known rule that numbers and letters are not allowed in Pictionary drawings. He made no mention of collusion or the possible fore-knowledge of the card. I was puzzled over his admission for quite some time, until a chance meeting with Prime Minister Barrow of Belize. After discussing the tragedy of this loss of sport, our discourse turned toward the ill-fated game of Pictionary. When he heard that the issue involved One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest he felt he had something to share.

During the most recent Summit of Countries Having Capitals Starting with 'B', he observed what he thought was a friendly game of riddles between Mr. Pen Pen and the Thai King Hirsa-Kow. The game was won by Hirsa-Kow who presenting the following diagram:

|
\ /

According to Barrow, Pen Pen was asked which piece of literature the diagram represented and was unable to answer. As it turns out, those three lines meant the following:

| = One
\ / = Cuckoo's Nest

which explains how three lines could have come to represent One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. So I had to ask myself, did the Thai King have his hand in the continuation of the war between Sichuan and Manchuria? But, you will say, he wasn't even at the game. How could he know what card Pen Pen would pick? Perhaps he didn't, but I suggest someone else did.

You see, my sources tell me that the game was held in the home of Osaka mayor Naoki who had been given the reigns of the Japanese government while Emperor Shichirou was hospitalized after a bout of food poisoning. In these games between Japanese, Song, Sichuan and Manchurian leaders, they always start with an "All Play". Therefore, Naoki could have rigged the deck to ensure the first card contained the clue in question. Pen Pen, having seen the drawing made by Hirsa-Kow just days earlier and having showed it to his wife, quickly wins by recreating the riddle, only to realize later that it included the number 1, for which he apologized later.

Finally, however, we must ask why the King of Thailand and the Mayor of Osaka might join up with Despot Dog Dug in their attempt to remove any power from President Pen Pen. The question comes down to the same answer I posted earlier: Olympic-sized envy. A quick look into the history of the voting for host cities shows that long before Beijing beat out Toronto, Canada, for the right to host the 2008 Games, both Bangkok AND Osaka were eliminated from the running. Means, motive, opportunity: game, set, match.

I therefore call on the international community to condemn this act taken out of sheer envy by three leaders who wanted nothing other than revenge for something that happened before the current President of Manchuria even came to power... and to the Despot Dog Dug of Sichuan: You got your apology, now please take your "lemmings" elsewhere.