So, I???m opening my copy of Swedish Furniture Today (I???m a devoted reader), when I read the bold, block-lettered headline:

???Itea Captures Ikea!!!???

I eagerly read on: ???Itea seizes Swedish furniture company but loses controlling interest in Norwegian herring.??? Noooooo! Not the herring!!! But such is the truth, a strategic gamble taken by profit-maximizing greedy businessmen, and The One Who Will Win apparently craves herring. Gentlemen??? we have a war!

As you may expect, activity has been uncorked just about everywhere in Dystopia [I have decided that, for the purposes of this game, since it???s a fictitious world, the continent should have a fictitious but appropriate name]. Fleets have taken to the seas en masse, setting up a tantalizing array of theoretically possible convoys. Fiercely independent Ankara has been occupied (but not so, Warsaw!). And in the Balkans???

Well, as you might expect, things are cozy in the Balkans. And folks around those parts have never been known for being, shall we say, non-provincial. So, when the Dulcerian army from Serbia asked for temporary lodgings??? well, there was no room at the inn. (Cue somber music). The Dulcerian army in Serbia must disband.

It???s an all-around pretty cool first year.

There are two retreats, both by the new owner of low-cost, home-assembled bookshelves:

The Itean fleet in Kiel may retreat to Baltic Sea, Denmark, Helgoland Bight, or off the board.
The Itean fleet in Norway may retreat to Barents Sea, Norwegian Sea, Skagerrak, or off the board.

Summer 1901 retreats are due tomorrow, October 21st, at 3:00 p.m. CST (20:00 GMT)


Press from The One Who Will Win:
???The great white were-hamsters of the north declare war on the vampire lemmings of Scandinavia. We seek to purge the world of this menace. It has come to our attention that "humans" also inhabit these lands and we offer them the chance to surrender peacefully. We have openings in our army for food pellet dispensers, and wood shaving changers. While we have no quarrel with these large simians, we cannot vouch for their safety if they insist on remaining in the lands of the vampire lemmings.???


Spring 1901 Adjudication:

Adaria:
Lvp to Wal (*Bounce*)
Tun to TyS
Par to Gas
Bre to ECh

Democratic Roman Empire:
F Ven-ADR
A Rom-Ven
A Mar holds
F Nap-ION

Dulceria:
A Serbia - Greece (*Disbanded*)
A Rumania - Serbia (*Fails*)
F Constantinople - Ankara
F Smyrna - Aegean Sea

Hembria:
A Munich Supports A Holland - Kiel
A Holland - Kiel
F Belgium - North Sea
F Edinburgh ??? Yorkshire

Itea:
A Den - Swe
F Nor S A Den - Swe (*Dislodged*)
F Kie ??? Ber (*Dislodged*)
F Lon - Wal (*Bounce*)

The One Who Will Win:
F Berlin Supports A Holland - Kiel
A Moscow Hold
A St Petersburg Supports F Sweden - Norway
F Sweden ??? Norway

Trigspor:
F Por -> MAO
F Spa S Por -> MAO
A Gre -> Alb (*Bounce*)
A Tri -> Alb (*Bounce*)

Zonotrichia:
A Sevastopol ??? Rumania (*Fails*)
A Bulgaria - Serbia
A Budapest S A Bulgaria - Serbia
A Vienna S A Budapest