From he who sits upon the Sacred Stool before the Great Bar at the Most Holy Shrine to the Great JuJu & Pub.

Fall in the year 01, a turn that shall live in infamy, we Leprechauns were viciously, and in the most vile manner, subject to an unprovoked assault from behind by those prancing rat bastard elves. While we may have been caught with our drawers down, our backs turned, and four sheets to the wind our ultimate triumph is assured! Leprechauns arise! Pull up your drawers, put in a call to the crisis hot line, chug some sodium bicarbonate, and stagger ever forward! Put down your pint, your liverwurst on rye, or if you prefer, that corn beef sandwich with a dab of mustard, and grab that broken bottle, bar stool, tire iron, shiv, and oh yea that shilleighly thingy and rally around the keg!

Let us go forth and blindside, sucker punch, clothesline, clip, facemask, those prancing rat bastard elves and drive them back to whence they came! But we shall not stop there! Let us turn their Elvin glades into cheap strip malls, their sacred woods into fast food restaurants and Dollar Generals, and wipe any reference of J. R. R. Tolkien from the face of the earth!

Upon our ultimate victory we shall tap the keg over our vanquished foes and toast our fallen comrades and wish them well in rehab!!!

“Belch”