From he who sits upon the Sacred Stool before the Great Bar at the Most Holy Shrine to the Great JuJu & Pub.

So, what do you get when you cross an elf with an Ogre? A big fat frustrated guy with pointy ears and flat feet who dreams of prancing through the meadows while picking his nose; but has the coordination of a one-legged drunken sailor.

All joking aside folks--Reverses on the battlefield and the suffering of our women and wee folk—alcohol withdrawals etal, weighs heavily upon me. We presented the Great JuJu with a buxom, blue-eyed blonde virgin yet it would seem that he has forsaken us. Though we now think the virgin part may have been a mistake. We prayed for a phantom army to help us smite down our enemies and he granted this not. We prayed for visions of our enemies’ plans at least six hours before deadlines, and he granted this not. While all may seem lost I bring great tidings of better days.

I had a dream. Before me stood the Great JuJu, an awe-inspiring vision of a Muppet with a Muppet band and Muppet chicken playing and dancing behind. And in a balcony above to old guy Muppets providing pithy commentary. And the Great JuJu spoke in a rather high pitched screech saying, “I see that the suffering of thy folk weighs much upon you and you now question the wisdom of the Great JuJu. Fear not for thy suffering has moved me. Break out thy passport, thy dark glasses, Miss Clairol, and battery-operated razor. Slip out the back door unseen and take a charter boat out of thy country. I will await thee at a tropic paradise and we shall discuss the current situation over margaritas and in the company of buxom blue-eyed blond vixens experienced in the art of pleasure.” I knew the virgin thing was a mistake!

While it pains me much to leave but when the Great JuJu speaks we must obey. So I am off to a tropic paradise for consultations with the Great One. Keep up the fight while I am gone. Never lose heart. Keep a stiff upper lip. And as the Great JuJu is my witness we shall never go hungry again! Oops, scratch that last line. I was getting a bit carried away. Where was I? Oh yes, I SHALL RETURN……after a change of passports, probably as a tourist and of course after the statue of limitation runs. Best of luck

“Belch”