Catalan Chronicle, 17 December, 1903
*Armies raised in Berlin and Venice!*
*Belgian chef available for hire!*
*Leeds fans never change!*
*Reports received of aquatic ranidaphobic atrocities!*
Welcome to the seventeenth edition of your inscrutable Catalan Chronicle!
Here's your builds:
Germany:
Build A Berlin
Italy:
Build A Venice
And we have some press from our correspondents across the Continent for you to enjoy:
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LONDON-The Belgian chef of the Royal Household has been fired following
an unfortunate incident involving an improperly cooked waffle. No
report has reached our correspondents about the precise problem at hand,
but an advert was placed in The Times later that day for a
proper dessert chef. This then led the Leader of the Opposition to
raise the question of crêpes in Buckingham Palace. The Prime Minister
responded curtly, saying that the Crown has a legitimate claim to
Normandy and the Seine. Shipments of Brie de Meaux were also observed
en route to the Palace.
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From our Vienna correspondent:
Russia -- Many apologies. You are coming to my aid, and I grab a center.
Purely for survival sake, though. Expect Rum -> Ser, and you retake
Rum whenever you desire.
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CASABLANCA-Reports are coming in from nightclubs throughout the city that sporadic outbursts of La Marseillaise are rapidly being drowned out by drunken fans of Leeds United singing God Save the King.
Meanwhile, authorities are shocked, absolutely shocked, to hear that
illegal gambling is taking place within these very same nightclubs. The
odds on an E/G/I draw are 3:1.
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garble, garble, garbleLe Marseilles with a German Accent?garble, garble, garble
Paris pronounced PARRISS by anglophiles?garble, garble, garbleA frog being boiled is reaching boiling pointgarble, garble, garble
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PRAGUE-What are you looking at? Nothing ever happens here until 1906.
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This is your formerly-roving reporter, now heavily ensconsed on the
banks of the Po. It has long been my conclusion that Italy shall be the
winner of this worldwide skirmish, and I will be spending the rest of
my days drinking fine wines and eating cannolis. Austria has bungled the
entire eastern front, Russia's pleas are falling on deaf ears. France
is focused north, where England and Germany are working nicely together,
but don't have enough expansion room before tripping over each other.
Viva Italia!
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This concludes our latest edition of the Catalan Chronicle,
we
hope you've enjoyed reading it. Please do send in your news stories,
thoughts, dreams, ambitions, and reviews, however mendacious, for us all
to enjoy.
I'm going away for the weekend, so there will be one more press deadline on Wednesday 10 July 2000GMT before the Spring 04 moves, due 2000GMT Monday 15 July.
Jerome (Editor)
