Catalonian Chronicle, 5 July, 1901
*Multiple public press releases cause Kaiser to be called a kook!*
*Commentary from the Matterhorn!*
Welcome to the fifth edition of your indefatigable Catalan Chronicle!
We have lots of news and views from the continent in this, your latest issue:
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From our Vienna newsdesk:
From "The Kaiser":
Italy? Italy? Why are you
sitting on my coastline? Why are you in Trieste? Your best bet to
survive is to attempt Vienna, but you'll probably bounce with Russia.
Otherwise, let's stay out of each others way.
Russia -- didn't think you were serious about bouncing in Gal.
Would have been a good idea, though. Instead, I hope we find a way to
work together instead of fighting --- that just gives Italy and Turkey a
free run at us.
The Rest of the world -- Good Luck all, and stay out the midland areas.
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Russia
to Austria and/or Italy - Shall we form one of those anti-Turkish deals
where we gang up on him because it just makes so much long term sense?Russia to German - Thanks for letting me into Sweden. You did right?
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Der Kaiser wishes that all Cities surrender without firing a bullet!
Peaceful wishes to English Armies in the North. Bouncing in Burgundy is only fun for one year.
Was that the bear whining about Sweden already?
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Hear Ye, Here ye! (shh shh .. what are you yelling about? Shut Up, man, you'll get us all killed!)
This
is your roving reporter again, deeply embedded in a hillside on the
border of Switzerland, where I can see troop movements from 4 countries.
And movement there certainly is!
France and England, 2 countries with long histories of war, look
to have settled differences and steamed off in opposite directions. I am
currently in dealings to buy a nice villa on the Brest coast...
possibly the safest place to be in this war!
Austria made a typical, hardheaded, strong move south -- and is
now paying the inevitable price of having 2 countries knocking on the
back door. Whoopsie!
Turkey taking on Russia? Poke the bear much? Maybe that takes some pressure off Austria, though?
Russia has moved against everyone possible, in one form or another.
Desperate for a friend much? The Rumanians have flown the coop, last
seen racing over the Carpathians to more stable ground. But what's
there? Serbia? Already teaming with Austrian armies. Maybe a trip across
the Med would be more peaceful.
Germany looks to be a little worn-out, but I'm sure it's a purposeful slow start.
On
the opposite end of the spectrum -- Italy! Flexing muscle it didn't
know it had, and we outsiders can't see it either! But obviously some
notion of greatness has flooded into Italy and he's making a run at the
Solo. YES, you heard it here first, I am calling it: ITALY SOLO!
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Telegrammes from London!
To Paris: Germany offers an alliance, then moves to Burgundy? Classic.
As long as we can keep the Channel and North Atlantic DMZed, I think
we have a good chance to work together here-much better positioning for
us than for the F/G.
To Moscow: I keep my promises.
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This concludes our latest edition of the Catalan Chronicle,
we
hope you've enjoyed reading it. Please do send in your news stories,
thoughts, dreams, ambitions, and reviews, however mendacious, for us all
to enjoy.
Autumn 01 moves and press are due Thursday 13 May, 2000GMT.
Jerome (Editor)
